Pinterest: the anti-Facebook

If Facebook is Who We Are, then Pinterest is Who We Wish to Be.

If Facebook is the photo of you vomiting at Flannigan's-O'houlihan's Pub last St. Pat's, then Pinterest is the fresh white linen napkin you didn't wipe your chin with.

But, Wait, you say. Facebook can be a fresh white linen napkin, too.

If Facebook is the fresh linen napkin, then it's a fresh linen napkin artfully folded to represent your genitalia. Like Pornogami (yes, that's a real thing).

But what everyone says about Pinterest is that it's how we would like to view our lives. It's photos of all the beautiful things we want, or would want if only we weren't the idiots we seem to be on Facebook.

It used to be that the virtual world was the place where we pretended to be someone else. Remember that "on the internet, nobody knows you're a dog"? Well, then came social media and Facebook, and we just stopped pretending to be something else and just showed the world who we truly are. And it was embarrassing. But now Pinterest is here to put everything back in perfect order and beauty.

So when you're looking to impress someone, show them your Pinterest boards filled with diamond brooches and solid oak étagères and lace duvet covers and gold Jaeger-LeCoultre timepieces. And make damn sure they don't find your Facebook.

The Dark Side of Pinterest.

I'm one of those people who always asks, What's in it for THEM? whenever a new, "free" online service becomes hot.

We all know What's in it for Google when we search. THEM build databases from our searches and then sell ads based on the popularity and value of keywords and search results. And if we use Gmail, then Google sends us ads based on the keywords used in our emails. Which is why I've curbed my use of the word, dildo.

We know What's in it for Facebook. THEM give you a place to hang out while you're supposed to be looking for a job.

And in exchange for wasting all your free time there, THEM get to see who and what and why you exist. THEM get all your personal data, your online life and sell it to everyone. THEM get your soul.

Now some people, assholes we call them, say that you are just trading this information for being able to use these free services. But this is the part that makes them assholes; if the services were free, then I shouldn't need to give anyone anything. Asshole.

So these free services are not free and since we never know just what they are taking from us in exchange for our using them, we can never truly understand just how much we have given away. What is your personal information worth? Is it worth five hours growing fake crops? Is it worth looking at a dozen photos of your junior high best friend's new baby?

And so when Pinterest came along, I also asked, What's in it for THEM? when I upload and pin photos of items of things I want or like or might buy?

My first thought, which was completely wrong, was that companies wouldn't want all of us pinning the photos of their products to some other website when they really want us to visit their website to view those products. And now I know that's not even a little bit right. Like if I saw some lingerie at Anthropolgie that I liked, which I often do, and I pinned it on a Pinterest board, wouldn't Anthropologie get mad? The answer is No. (Whoops, but it looks like some people don't appreciate having their content pinned.)

When you create a board on Pinterest and pin items to it, those links actually benefit the companies where you pin. Think of it this way: if you're Store X and have some products on your website, the only way to for anyone to see them is to visit your online store. Or if you're lucky, have your product appear in a Google or Yahoo shopping or NexTag or PriceGrabber or whatever search. But what if you had your own tiny little army of soldiers who would make tiny little stores on Pinterest where all your coolest stuff were on display? Wouldn't that be awesome?

So if I'm Store X and my buyers fill my store with stuff, I need to advertise it if I want it sold. And advertising isn't cheap. If my Pinterest Army made boards and pinned only my best stuff, then I would have another outlet for my products. It's like, maybe an Elle or Vogue magazine page where they group all the white dresses and white accessories together or all the hats. But this is a live page with links to actual items you can buy and not some sheet of paper that just says, Jimmy Choo sandals, $450. I can click on the image and buy it now!

Let's say you want to find that black and white stripe sailor bikini you just saw Taylor Swift wearing in that photo the other day and you find a Hurley or Juicy Couture style that looks just like it? If you Pin It and describe it as the Taylor Swift bikini, you're probably going to get hundreds if not thousands of "likes" or "repins" for it and more than a few sales. And I'm betting that Juicy can't legally call their bikini, the Taylor Swift, without suffering some legal bungholery. But you can pin it and name it and it's all legal. Even if you're a Juicy employee or work for the store that sells it.

In fact, Pinterest has a whole section devoted to shopping for Gifts. Who'da thunk?

So if you are Store X, how do you reward your Pinterest Army? Do you reward just one person, the General? Or do you not reward all the soldiers? And if you're a soldier, what do you get out of all the time you spend pinning?

I never think my time is worth nothing. Because I went to college. Three times.

So now when I see items on Pinterest, I think, What motivates that person to pin? Is this someone working for Store X or promoting their friend's stuff on Etsy? Is this their job? Am I being manipulated?

But I'm guessing some of you don't care. Because those earrings are gorgeous.

How can YOU use Pinterest?

I've seen a lot of articles on how I can use Pinterest in my library. Or in my life.

Here are some awesome ideas for using Pinterest in your library:

1. Create a boards for new books that your library has received within the past few weeks or months.
2. Create boards to promote activities or programs with links to learn more and pictures of the activity or program.
3. Create boards for each one of your major collections and share the most popular items as pins.
4. Create boards with pins for your library displays or rare collections.
5. Create boards with pins to promote your movies and other media.
6. Share your boards on your library facebook and twitter.

Okay, I could say, but I've already done all that on our website. And on our Facebook page. And our Flickr page. But now you want me to do it again with a new social networking site? I've already done all this work at least twice. And now I need to do it again? Because this is the new 'big thing'? Says who?

Or I could say that I don't do any of that. And I don't need to do that.

I don't have a bulletin board in my office or in my house. I don't have a photo album. I don't scrapbook. I have one photograph on my refrigerator and it's of my dog. Her name is Pete.

I haven't remodeled my kitchen since it was modeled when the house was built. The walls are lemon yellow. I don't dream of my dream house and scan the world for pictures of what it will be.

I have two pairs of shoes, one black, one brown. All my socks are white athletic tube socks and I have one pair of black socks for when I'll get married or when I'm buried. I don't need to collect images of clothes to share with others.

So, do you need Pinterest? Or is this another example of a Thneed?

You NEED Pinterest. YOU should FIND A WAY TO USE IT. NOW.

It's like when all these people come into our computer classes and ask what computer or tablet or ereader to buy to buy. The first thing I ask is What do you want to do with it? Oh, I need a computer, the people often say.

Why? What do you want to do that you need that thing? Oh, you'll find a need for it after you buy it? Since when? Tell that to the food processor I bought that made one meal. Or the digital camera that sits in the underwear drawer. Or the bicycle collecting cobwebs in the garage. Or the books left unopened on table. You can't buy something because you think that buying it will encourage you to use it. If you run around your neighborhood and think that biking would be better, then get a bike. But if you buy a bike only to find out that all the dogs on the block chase you when you ride, then you didn't do your homework.

We always find new ways to manufacture new needs for new stuff.

I'm not arguing against the uses of Pinterest for people who like to share stuff and have everyone comment on the importance of that stuff. But in the past, I've just saved all the images of this stuff on my computer in folders that only I see. I didn't need the world's approval.

So if you see a need for using Pinterest, then create some boards. I did. But I got bored immediately. Because it's not for me. Although now I feel like I have a desire to organize images of scabs and I might make a board for it. Or maybe separate boards for scabs on knees and scabs on elbows. And one for people blowing their noses. Oh, God, I really need Pinterest.