BATMAN and SUPERMAN are outside a HUGE COMPLEX OF EVIL about to do BATTLE with some VILLAIN
SUPERMAN: Wait, I think I have something in my eye.
BATMAN: What?
SUPERMAN: Something's in my eye, maybe an eyelash.
BATMAN: I didn't know you did that.
SUPERMAN: What? Lose eyelashes.
BATMAN: Yeah. That seems weird. I've seen you use a custom built laser to cut your hair. So I didn't think you just lost eyelashes.
SUPERMAN: Well, it happens.
BATMAN GROANS.
SUPERMAN: Can you see it?
BATMAN: The eyelash. No, I don't see it.
SUPERMAN: Did you look?
BATMAN: No. I didn't really look for an eyelash in your eye.
SUPERMAN: Can you, take a look?
BATMAN: Hrm. Can't you just use your heat vision to blast it out?
SUPERMAN: (irritated) Don't you think I've tried that? I once blasted out the side of a moon just trying to get one of these out.
BATMAN: (incredulously) A moon?
SUPERMAN: Yes. A damn moon. Near the planet Kryos 5. It freaked out the Kryotians and I had to rebuild it. BATMAN LOOKS SKEPTICAL. It threw off their tides and messed up their surfing.
BATMAN SMILES AS IF HE MIGHT LAUGH.
SUPERMAN: It really wasn't funny. I mean, it was, but it wasn't. So, can you look?
BATMAN: Okay, I'm looking.
SUPERMAN BENDS TO LET BATMAN LOOK AT HIS EYE
BATMAN: Yes, it's in there.
SUPERMAN: Yes, I know it's in there. I want you to get it out.
BATMAN: Look, I said it's in there. Why can't you get it out yourself?
SUPERMAN: I could if I had a little mirror or something. Do you have a cosmetics mirror in your utility belt I can use?
BATMAN: (thinks for a second) No. I don't keep a cosmetic mirror in my utility belt.
SUPERMAN: Maybe you should.
BATMAN: I never had a need for one before.
SUPERMAN: Well, we could use one now.
BATMAN: I will add it to the list.
SUPERMAN: I bet you have shark repellent in there.
BATMAN: I don't keep shark repellent in my utility belt.
SUPERMAN: You know I have X-ray vision and I can see it. Fourth pouch. It says right on the label, "Bat Shark Repellent."
BATMAN: (touches his belt) Really? That's in there? Must be old.
SUPERMAN: And why Bat Shark Repellent? It's shark repellent, why do you need to add Bat to everything? Batmobile. Batplane. Where's your creativity? Are you trademarking these names so some other crime fighter doesn't dress up like a bat and copy your stuff?
BATMAN: (sarcastically) You telling me about names? Superdog. Supergirl. Everything you do needs to be Super.
SUPERMAN: You know that I didn't pick the name Superman, right? The Daily Planet named me that. You picked Batman yourself. (sarcastically) Look, there's a bat. I'm a man. I'll call myself Batman. If I allowed myself to curse, I'd say That's really fucking creative. But I don't use that kind of inappropriate language.
BATMAN: I don't see any moms around.
SUPERMAN: I'm just saying.
BATMAN: Yes, I know. You have a image. Red White and Blue. The All American Boy. Truth, Justice and the American Way. (irritatedly) All that patriotic shit.
SUPERMAN: Are you disrespecting the United States of America?
BATMAN: (realizing the conversation would be pointless) No. Of course not. It's just the blind obedience to God and Country. It's the jingoism I detest.
SUPERMAN: I, for one, believe a little obedience is a good thing.
BATMAN: RAISES HIS EYEBROWS AT SUPERMAN AS IF TO SAY, Duh: No comment.
SUPERMAN: Now can we stop (looks around) fucking around and get this fucking eyelash out of my eye. It's a Super eyelash and it's digging into my Super eyeball.
BATMAN: LAUGHS. Let me just get my glove off. (tugs off his glove) You know what would be great right now? Some Bat tweezers.
BATMAN LOOKS INTO SUPERMAN'S EYE TO LOCATE THE EYELASH
BATMAN: My face is really close to your face right now. You know you have the bluest eyes.
SUPERMAN SCOWLS.
BATMAN: I'm just saying. Now hold still. Got it.
SUPERMAN: Thanks. Took long enough.
BATMAN HOLDS THE EYELASH BETWEEN TWO FINGERS: Make a wish?
SUPERMAN: I wish this was a solo mission.
BATMAN: Ouch. (pulls glove back on his hand) You can be mean.
SUPERMAN: Sorry.
BATMAN: I was kidding.
SUPERMAN: Oh. It's that cowl. I can't tell when your joking if I don't see your face. So, no, I don't use my X-ray vision all the time. That would be creepy seeing everybody's bones all the time.
BATMAN THINKS ABOUT THAT FOR A SECOND.
BATMAN: Everything good?
SUPERMAN: I think so.
BATMAN: Good. Let's go kick some ass.
Batman and Superman are trademarks of somebody.
