tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-42698814048376621802024-03-12T18:47:07.853-07:00Censored Geniusthis is not a librarian blog. contents are written by the.effing.librarian, but this isn't a blog.
if you want to read a blog, read effinglibrarian.blogspot.com. now that was a blog.
or buy my books on Amazon and leave something valuable to your kids. yes, I'm serious. mostly.the.effing.librarianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17091817894228602335noreply@blogger.comBlogger140125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4269881404837662180.post-79598630679556075592021-02-27T08:16:00.002-08:002021-02-27T08:16:59.799-08:00Cryptocurrassholes<p></p><div class="msg-body P_wpofO mq_AS" data-test-id="message-view-body-content"><div class="jb_0 X_6MGW N_6Fd5"><div><div id="yiv2324380964"><div>Cryptocurrency
is fantasy money.</div><div> </div><div>Yes, I know that all money is fantasy money. </div><div> </div><div>But money is based on a belief system and that's why we put pictures of
our national heroes on the money. So we have an image to believe in. And that's why we put 'In God We Trust' on our US currency. Because God is one of the earliest superheroes.<br /></div><div> </div><div></div><div></div><div>So when I say
that it's fantasy money. I mean that it's like trading Picassos. Regular people don't buy and sell Picassos. Nobody
goes to the store with a Picasso to buy a loaf of bread: "Go ahead and slice off $4 worth of Picasso. But not the nose." <br /></div><div> </div><div>Currency is used to pay debts: corporate debt, personal debt, and national debt. </div><div><br /></div><div>It's fantasy money
because its value fluctuates wildly based on the whims of collectors. And you cannot have a national currency that behaves that
way. </div><div> </div><div>If I pay my workers every Friday and then my currency fluctuates 200%
over the weekend before they cash their checks, either I'm going out of
business or my workers will starve. I need a stable currency. That's why
if you invest in cryptocurrencies because you think you will get rich,
then that currency can never be a standard for paying off debt. </div><div> </div><div>You need
something stable that we can use to pay bills. And then you can pay those bills and we all know
that the money we used has basically the same value across all of those
payments. Otherwise people will hoard that currency or they will dump
that currency. Because no one knows what it's going to do from one
minute to the next. </div><div> </div><div>And then your fantasy world collapses.</div></div></div></div></div>the.effing.librarianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17091817894228602335noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4269881404837662180.post-10773109620040096852020-07-04T19:21:00.001-07:002020-07-04T19:21:49.263-07:00What's Goin' On (with that song)? - "Behind Closed Doors" by Charlie Rich.I don't have any idea why this song plays out the way it does. Is the singer married to the woman in this song? Are they witches or spies or other folks who need to protect their secrets? The entire song seems to be based on some "nudge nudge wink wink" innuendo that completely eludes me.<br />
<br />
According to Wikipedia, "Behind Closed Doors" was a number one song for Charlie Rich. And I'm trying to understand why.<br />
<br />
The song opens with lyrics about how the singer is proud of his "baby" because she never hangs all over him in a crowd.<br />
<br />
I guess that's something. Not having a woman act all mushy, and making sure she behaves herself like she's a pet, like a well-trained dog.<br />
<br />
But then the singer goes on, "people like to talk, Lord, how they love to talk."<br />
<br />
WTF? What are people saying? Again, is this a couple? Are they a secret couple? Are they siblings? Is this "baby" literally the singer's own child? I. DO. NOT. KNOW.<br />
<br />
If this couple is married, what are people talking about? "Oh, look at that man and woman and how she has her hair all done up so that she can let it down later when they get BEHIND CLOSED DOORS. We bet she's gonna make him glad he's a man. In some way we can't fathom yet."<br />
<br />
Is that something people say?<br />
<br />
So let's assume this is a married couple. And there is no incest involved. And she is not literally a baby. Does the singer assume that no one knows what sex is? Is that why he sings, "no one knows what goes on behind closed doors"?<br />
<br />
Has he asked his buddies what they think he does with his baby behind closed doors? Because I'm sure they have a good guess. And it rhymes with '<i>trucking</i>.'<br />
<br />
So the only thing I can imagine about the intent of the singer is that he wants us to know that his woman is a prim and proper lady in public and a dirty filthy whore in the bedroom. And that when she lets her hair hang down, she straps on a giant dildo and pounds the singer up his back door until he cries like a baby, when they get BEHIND CLOSED DOORS.<br />
<br />
Because if people knew about that ass-reaming, I'm pretty sure there would be talk. And some cancelled church picnic invitations.<br />
<br />
p.s. Diana Ross has covered this song and swapped the gender roles so that she was letting her hair down for her man whore. Stan Ridgway covered it, too. Although I think Stan Ridgway was hit by a car and was suffering brain trauma and wasn't aware he was recording it.the.effing.librarianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17091817894228602335noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4269881404837662180.post-82325669986571390352020-03-29T12:38:00.000-07:002020-03-29T12:38:26.165-07:00What's Goin' On (with that song)? - "The Boys Are Back in Town" by Thin Lizzy.I love the song, "The Boys Are Back in Town" by Thin Lizzy. But What's Goin' On (with that song)?<br />
<br />
It starts, "Guess who just got back today, Them wild eyed boys .."<br />
<br />
Who is telling the story? From right off, you know there's something different about the narrator because (s)he's not one of the Boys.<br />
<br />
You can assume that because the singer is male, that the narrator/subject is also male. And I guess we can lock that in as a fact. But the narrator could also be female without any lyrics changes, if a woman wanted to sing the song.<br />
<br />
Either way, <span style="background-color: white;">the narrator <span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: black; display: inline !important; float: none; font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">has to be someone from the Town. And this could change the focus of the song because if it's a woman: maybe she's been intimate with one or more of the Boys because of when she sings, "If that chick don't want to know, forget her"? </span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: black; display: inline !important; float: none; font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; color: black; display: inline !important; float: none; font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">"Don't want to know" what? What it's like to sleep with one or more of the Boys? Maybe. That fits the lyrics even when we thing the narrator is male.</span></span><br />
<b></b><i></i><u></u><sub></sub><sup></sup><strike></strike><span style="background-color: white;"></span><br />
You could look up the inspiration for the song and learn that it might be about some local gang who comes to town after being elsewhere. Were they in jail? Dunno. But the real key to the song is that the narrator is <i>NOT</i> a member of the Boys.<br />
<br />
And when you understand that, you can see how this is a sad, pathetic dude. Listen to his one close encounter with the band where "that chick that used to dance a lot" "slapped Johnny's face."<br />
<br />
How does the narrator know the band? Is his job to "Spread the word around"? Is his job to put money in the "jukebox in the corner blasting out my favourite song"?<br />
<br />
I don't know the answers. But whenever I hear this song, I both love it as a rock song, but I also feel sad for this poor loser of a guy, who lives his life for that one time each year when he gets to pretend he's one of the Boys.<br />
<br />the.effing.librarianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17091817894228602335noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4269881404837662180.post-42932228252897870542019-11-01T12:59:00.000-07:002019-11-01T12:59:21.023-07:00The Library Gig in the year 2026I have library degree, but I don't have a full-time job. I don't have health care, but I have a library gig in a library where I perform research services and provide technology assistance via requests made through the LybÜ jobs app.<br />
<br />
I work as an independent contractor for LybÜ, the library research company that became dominant when most public libraries became privatized.<br />
<br />
I don't have a base salary, but I get paid for monitoring my app while I'm in the library. And for pinging the various "interactivity" points around the building, basically the stacks and tables, where people might need assistance. I make nothing for answering the phone, but I get paid for completing the tasks related to the call. And I have a minimum number of interactions I need to provide to keep my employment active (not get fired). But once I reach my minimum, I can adjust my "value" fees to accommodate the high demand for services.<br />
<br />
For example, if my base service requires that I assist 50 times at the printers, once that is met, I can ignore anyone who needs help with printing until they "add value" to the request. So if it's near closing and someone has to print their airline or concert tickets and they send the request through the app, if I'm the only librarian working, I can demand pretty much any extra fee. I can ask $10 or $15 or even $25 for just printing a single document.<br />
<br />
If the clock is ticking and someone needs something badly enough, I can rake in the added fees. And since I negotiate these on my own, I get to keep 60 percent and LybÜ gets the rest.<br />
<br />
So the goal is to find the people with the greatest need, the most money and the least technical knowledge. I make an extra $30 a week downloading ebooks for little old ladies. I get a ton of money for editing resumes (depending on the job they hope to get), and from proofing school essays (from the parents).<br />
<br />
I hear the older librarians talk about the time when they worked a 40 hour week and got 2 or 3 or 4 weeks of vacation per year and had medical and dental insurance and good job security. But I don't believe a word of it.the.effing.librarianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17091817894228602335noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4269881404837662180.post-8450344744293406412019-04-17T18:02:00.001-07:002019-04-17T18:02:55.885-07:00How Writing Got Ruined: Dystopian Fiction in the Age of TrumpThe reality of Donald Trump as President of The United States of America has spoiled (destroyed?) how authors create their dystopian villains. The writer's imagination, however nimble, can't hope to keep up with the variety and volume of Trump shenanigans.<br />
<br />
So, after eliminating his scandals, his tweets, his slavering approbations given to dictators, the only plausible scenario for a writer of dystopian novels using a Trump-like character as the villainous tyrant is this:<br />
<br />
Since, as I said, there are no other options for this type of character, and so some author must be arriving at this same conclusion, and I don't wish to tread on any toes, I'll refer to the dystopian leader as "President Turnip."<br />
<br />
A billionaire runs on an anti-<span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: transparent; color: black; display: inline !important; float: none; font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">Turnip </span>campaign, promising to seize President Turnip's assets and put him in prison. On the eve of the election, as <span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: transparent; color: black; display: inline !important; float: none; font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">Turnip </span>realizes he will lose, he evades capture by disguising himself as a woman (and not a "10" as his looks are harshly criticized by witnesses). And frankly, everyone was glad to see him go.<br />
<br />
But as he alienated every world leader with his attacks and insults, no country will have him. In the only move that makes sense to him, <span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; background-color: transparent; color: black; display: inline !important; float: none; font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">Turnip </span>converts to Islam and joins ISIS in its fight against America.<br />
<br />
<br />the.effing.librarianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17091817894228602335noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4269881404837662180.post-64594354386207784372018-04-22T11:25:00.001-07:002018-04-22T11:25:38.393-07:00A Joker Story (I don't think I've seen)A school bus filled with children is stopped on a deserted highway, surrounded by law enforcement vehicles parked at a safe distance. Assorted law enforcement personnel are positioned behind the vehicles and aiming their weapons at the bus.<br />
<br />
The sound of laughter comes from the bus as a child's BACKPACK is tossed from the doorway. As the backpack hits the ground, several mobile phones tumble out.<br />
<br />
JOKER's voice: How many times do we need to remind you that school is for learning, kids. Not sexting with your teachers.<br />
<br />
The Joker emerges from the bus with his hands raised above his head. He wears an orange jumpsuit with words and decorations written in marker on the clothing.<br />
<br />
A mobile PHONE is duct taped to his chest and "CALL ME 212-555-5309" is written on his back.<br />
<br />
A police sniper has Joker in her sights. Her partner sees the phone number.<br />
<br />
PARTNER Take the shot.<br />
<br />
SNIPER I can't. He's surrendering.<br />
<br />
PARTNER He's the Joker. He's always pulling something. He could have a bomb on the bus. He could call a number and, boom, the whole thing could go up.<br />
<br />
SNIPER His hands are up.<br />
<br />
PARTNER I could call that number on his back and when he goes for the phone, you could shoot him and say he was going for a weapon.<br />
<br />
SNIPER I won't take the shot.<br />
<br />
PARTNER I'm calling it. If you won't take the shot, one of these other guys will. <br />
<br />
(He takes his phone and dials)<br />
<br />
THERE'S A HUGE EXPLOSION AS THE BUS ERUPTS IN A BALL OF FIRE<br />
<br />
JOKER Beep! I'm so sorry I can't come to the phone now. As my hands are empty, I had to let the machine pick up. <br />
<br />
the end.<br />
<br />
** The Joker is property of somebody.the.effing.librarianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17091817894228602335noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4269881404837662180.post-69811566186994418082015-02-15T08:45:00.000-08:002015-02-15T08:57:01.072-08:00How Fifty Shades of Grey made it into our library.It's been a while so I'll probably need to confirm some history with the internets, but the first I'd heard of Shades I'll call it, was when a library patron called to request that we get a copy for her/him (don't remember whether it was a him or her).<br />
<br />
I did a quick compooter search and did not see any reference to the book. At all. I saw some fanfic references and comments, but I did not find any published novel with that title. (As you read this post, you'll learn that there existed a 50Shades.com website and a print-on-demand book; not sure if I found the site and ignored it or just never saw it. I wasn't keeping notes, not even mental ones.)<br />
<br />
Then about a week later, maybe more or less, a request came for an inter-library loan for Shades and I answered how we were unable to get it because it wasn't currently available to us.<br />
<br />
<br />
I think I remember a coworker asking if I'd heard of Shades because she'd just received a request for it and I commented that there is no book we can buy: "this is some online porn that everyone suddenly thinks is a book." (Again, a book had existed for several months as print-on-demand. So there <i>was </i>a book. Being print-on-demand just means there aren't copies in stores for anyone to pick up and pay for, even libraries.)<br />
<br />
How were so many people learning about this book in December 2011? I want whoever was in charge of that marketing campaign to work for the library.<br />
<br />
The library often gets requests for self-published books. These are
books we won't (except in rare instances) buy for the collection. The
reasoning for this is often the high cost and low demand. There are also
purchasing issues because those books aren't available from our usual
vendor. So getting those books means arranging a one-time payment with a
small press or even an individual person then paying for shipping and
separate processing, all things that our usual vendors provide because
of the high volume of our orders. FYI, many libraries have procedures
for accepting self-published books if there is some perceived demand.
Before Shades was published, public demand for self-published books at
our library was uncommon and so we had no real plan to purchase them. It
was very very rare that we did. <br />
<br />
When the third or fourth request came in and I checked online for it, suddenly there was a book for sale on Amazon. I think it was $40. And it looked like it was from a vanity press and I think the publisher was in Australia (this was the same print-on-demand title mentioned before). But it was Amazon and that made it available. So at this point there was a book. But it wasn't from a vendor where we had any relationship with and it was $40. The odds the library would be able to get it was still at a realistic 1,000 to 1.<br />
<br />
But the book beat those odds. Because we learned we had thousands of patrons who wanted to read it.<br />
<br />
We were able to order a few copies even though we have no formal purchasing agreement with Amazon. Mainly because of the outrageous demand for it. People requested it at every branch. I have an email that shows how many requests we had before the book was ever published in the USA as a paperback. As soon as we were able to order from Amazon and added the information in our catalog that the book was on order, we had over 1,000 library card holders request a hold for it.<br />
<br />
I wish I could go back to the end of 2011 to see the progress of the online demand for it: I mean, was it popular on Facebook or just through people emailing each other about it? I don't know. But it seemed like it was only a few months between that first request and the arrival of the juggernaut.<br />
<br />
According to "<a href="http://www.adweek.com/galleycat/fifty-shades-of-grey-wayback-machine/50128?red=as" target="_blank">The Lost History of Fifty Shades of Grey</a>" <br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
"This erotica bestseller began as a work of Twilight fan fiction called Master of the Universe, earning a massive fan fiction following years before the book deal. Most traces of this fan fiction history have been removed from the Internet."</blockquote>
Now if you remember that Shades was originally posted as Twilight fan fiction, and that the Twilight series had just been a super-massive publishing monster, then the number of people reading the original posting of Shades on the internet could have been in the tens or hundreds of thousands or readers. Given the explosive demand for Shades while it was originally only available as that $40 paper edition on Amazon, the readership of Twilight fanfic must have been tremendous.<br />
<br />
I remember having those thoughts when I was researching the book online. How the hell do people find out about this stuff? <br />
<br />
But another issue goes back to the people who requested the book before it was even a mass published book for sale. Who are these people? The knee-jerk people who call the library and request something that doesn't exist (as I said before, it existed. I'm making this statement as if I'm remembering from February 2012). Because they were calling in 2011. If you know about the history of Shades, then you know it lived online in 2010, so that whole year could have produced that fan base. So what may have seemed as sudden and knee-jerk behavior to me could just have been a year's worth of sexual frustration. <br />
<br />
I see from the Adweek article (previous link) Shades was available from The Writer’s Coffee Shop Publishing House back in June 2011, and this would have been at least 5 months before I'd gotten my first request for it. So call me a bad librarian for now knowing about this book in December 2011. But as it wasn't showing in the holdings of any library that I could see and that it wasn't even on Amazon at that time, it was invisible to me. Maybe if I'd been a fan of Twilight, I'd have known.<br />
<br />
By March 2012, the monster was here. And we had lots of copies. If you have any memory of Shades from 2010 or 2011 or even pre-March 2012, maybe you can share what your library did in those early months before the storm. Or even how you decided to buy or not buy it for your library. Any story is worth preserving. <br />
<br />
So remember that when you're getting turned on by the BDSM shenanigans between Christian and Anastasia, you're really looking at the relationship between a 200-year-old vampire and the 16-year-old girl he wants to sleep with. <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKV2_mT2iPz0OVaw36w4rp33fXQeIwR2Th6BK_cAsXIGIyi0zlZ7NV1Cp4C0msLWnOWB4nEz_2gqd_tF_3F0Yi-d3Admg3Qjn6zXhZjDP1KvjM8qxAYtpvt13n5k9kMSJWLF_Z-iwxLWvG/s1600/2December2010-575.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKV2_mT2iPz0OVaw36w4rp33fXQeIwR2Th6BK_cAsXIGIyi0zlZ7NV1Cp4C0msLWnOWB4nEz_2gqd_tF_3F0Yi-d3Admg3Qjn6zXhZjDP1KvjM8qxAYtpvt13n5k9kMSJWLF_Z-iwxLWvG/s1600/2December2010-575.jpg" /></a></div>
the.effing.librarianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17091817894228602335noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4269881404837662180.post-48901761371621689012014-12-26T13:20:00.001-08:002015-01-25T09:50:13.924-08:00a Batman and Superman Story you won't see in the comicsBATMAN and SUPERMAN are outside a HUGE COMPLEX OF EVIL about to do BATTLE with some VILLAIN<br />
<br />
SUPERMAN: Wait, I think I have something in my eye.<br />
<br />
BATMAN: What?<br />
<br />
SUPERMAN: Something's in my eye, maybe an eyelash.<br />
<br />
BATMAN: I didn't know you did that.<br />
<br />
SUPERMAN: What? Lose eyelashes.<br />
<br />
BATMAN: Yeah. That seems weird. I've seen you use a custom built laser to cut your hair. So I didn't think you just lost eyelashes.<br />
<br />
SUPERMAN: Well, it happens.<br />
<br />
BATMAN GROANS.<br />
<br />
SUPERMAN: Can you see it?<br />
<br />
BATMAN: The eyelash. No, I don't see it.<br />
<br />
SUPERMAN: Did you look?<br />
<br />
BATMAN: No. I didn't really look for an eyelash in your eye.<br />
<br />
SUPERMAN: Can you, take a look?<br />
<br />
BATMAN: Hrm. Can't you just use your heat vision to blast it out?<br />
<br />
SUPERMAN: (irritated) Don't you think I've tried that? I once blasted out the side of a moon just trying to get one of these out.<br />
<br />
BATMAN: (incredulously) A moon?<br />
<br />
SUPERMAN: Yes. A damn moon. Near the planet Kryos 5. It freaked out the Kryotians and I had to rebuild it. BATMAN LOOKS SKEPTICAL. It threw off their tides and messed up their surfing.<br />
<br />
BATMAN SMILES AS IF HE MIGHT LAUGH.<br />
<br />
SUPERMAN: It really wasn't funny. I mean, it was, but it wasn't. So, can you look?<br />
<br />
BATMAN: Okay, I'm looking.<br />
<br />
SUPERMAN BENDS TO LET BATMAN LOOK AT HIS EYE<br />
<br />
BATMAN: Yes, it's in there.<br />
<br />
SUPERMAN: Yes, I know it's in there. I want you to get it out.<br />
<br />
BATMAN: Look, I said it's in there. Why can't you get it out yourself?<br />
<br />
SUPERMAN: I could if I had a little mirror or something. Do you have a cosmetics mirror in your utility belt I can use?<br />
<br />
BATMAN: (thinks for a second) No. I don't keep a cosmetic mirror in my utility belt.<br />
<br />
SUPERMAN: Maybe you should. <br />
<br />
BATMAN: I never had a need for one before.<br />
<br />
SUPERMAN: Well, we could use one now. <br />
<br />
BATMAN: I will add it to the list.<br />
<br />
SUPERMAN: I bet you have shark repellent in there.<br />
<br />
BATMAN: I don't keep shark repellent in my utility belt.<br />
<br />
SUPERMAN: You know I have X-ray vision and I can see it. Fourth pouch. It says right on the label, "Bat Shark Repellent." <br />
<br />
BATMAN: (touches his belt) Really? That's in there? Must be old.<br />
<br />
SUPERMAN: And why Bat Shark Repellent? It's shark repellent, why do you need to add Bat to everything? Batmobile. Batplane. Where's your creativity? Are you trademarking these names so some other crime fighter doesn't dress up like a bat and copy your stuff?<br />
<br />
BATMAN: (sarcastically) You telling me about names? Superdog. Supergirl. Everything you do needs to be Super.<br />
<br />
SUPERMAN: You know that I didn't pick the name Superman, right? The Daily Planet named me that. You picked Batman yourself. (sarcastically) Look, there's a bat. I'm a man. I'll call myself Batman. If I allowed myself to curse, I'd say That's really fucking creative. But I don't use that kind of inappropriate language.<br />
<br />
BATMAN: I don't see any moms around.<br />
<br />
SUPERMAN: I'm just saying.<br />
<br />
BATMAN: Yes, I know. You have a image. Red White and Blue. The All American Boy. Truth, Justice and the American Way. (irritatedly) All that patriotic shit.<br />
<br />
SUPERMAN: Are you disrespecting the United States of America?<br />
<br />
BATMAN: (realizing the conversation would be pointless) No. Of course not. It's just the blind obedience to God and Country. It's the jingoism I detest.<br />
<br />
SUPERMAN: I, for one, believe a little obedience is a good thing.<br />
<br />
BATMAN: RAISES HIS EYEBROWS AT SUPERMAN AS IF TO SAY, Duh: No comment.<br />
<br />
SUPERMAN: Now can we stop (looks around) fucking around and get this fucking eyelash out of my eye. It's a Super eyelash and it's digging into my Super eyeball.<br />
<br />
BATMAN: LAUGHS. Let me just get my glove off. (tugs off his glove) You know what would be great right now? Some Bat tweezers.<br />
<br />
BATMAN LOOKS INTO SUPERMAN'S EYE TO LOCATE THE EYELASH<br />
<br />
BATMAN: My face is really close to your face right now. You know you have the bluest eyes.<br />
<br />
SUPERMAN SCOWLS.<br />
<br />
BATMAN: I'm just saying. Now hold still. Got it.<br />
<br />
SUPERMAN: Thanks. Took long enough.<br />
<br />
BATMAN HOLDS THE EYELASH BETWEEN TWO FINGERS: Make a wish?<br />
<br />
SUPERMAN: I wish this was a solo mission.<br />
<br />
BATMAN: Ouch. (pulls glove back on his hand) You can be mean.<br />
<br />
SUPERMAN: Sorry.<br />
<br />
BATMAN: I was kidding. <br />
<br />
SUPERMAN: Oh. It's that cowl. I can't tell when your joking if I don't see your face. So, no, I don't use my X-ray vision all the time. That would be creepy seeing everybody's bones all the time.<br />
<br />
BATMAN THINKS ABOUT THAT FOR A SECOND.<br />
<br />
BATMAN: Everything good?<br />
<br />
SUPERMAN: I think so.<br />
<br />
BATMAN: Good. Let's go kick some ass.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Batman and Superman are trademarks of somebody.the.effing.librarianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17091817894228602335noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4269881404837662180.post-18651277316596145832014-07-27T15:12:00.002-07:002014-07-27T15:12:53.395-07:00Award for Best Graphic Novel Collection in a Library. And the WINNER is....So Thomas Maluck <a href="https://twitter.com/LiberryTom" target="_blank">@LiberryTom</a> says,<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
I keep seeing "Best Retailer" among comics awards. Its time for them to add "Best Library." Who agrees?</blockquote>
<br />
And I agreed.<br />
<br />
Let me clarify. I hate awards. Because I don't think librarians should be awarded for doing our jobs. But as part of our communities, we should show some pride in the ways we manage and spend the money we are given. And if that means we need to stick a ribbon on our collection that tells everyone WE DONE GOOD, then maybe we should do it.<br />
<br />
Clarification Expanded: I also hate extra work. I don't have time to READ graphic novels and EVALUATE content. So here is my PROPOSAL for an award for GRAPHIC NOVEL collections in libraries.<br />
<br />
If this were my project and I wanted to get it started asap, I would limit to giving awards for graphic novel collections that include each of the titles from these lists:<br />
<a href="http://www.ala.org/yalsa/great-graphic-novels" target="_blank">YALSA Best Graphic Novels</a> Top 10 Lists, 2007 to Current<br />
and <br />
<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_award-winning_graphic_novels" target="_blank">the Wikipedia entry for List of award-winning graphic novels </a><br />
<br />
Libraries could check their collections against the lists and get nominated if they think they have everything or most of everything or everything for given years. The actual award doesn't exist so I don't have the rules sorted out. Except for the one that says, if you had a book in your collection and it's now missing and it's currently out of print and can no longer be purchased: tough titty. If it doesn't show in your catalog as being part of your collection, you don't get credit for it.<br />
<br />
The rules for the first awards should be kept simple. Until we get a committee, then YEE-HAW, the more rules the better!<br />
<br />
<br />
Award Process (DRAFT)<br />
<ul>
<li>Library collections are nominated through an online form.</li>
<li>Libraries may be nominated in multiple categories (when separate category awards become active).</li>
<li>Nominations are verified through online searches such as library catalogs for collections and library websites for programs. Media sites may be used to verify news stories.</li>
<li>Only print collections are accepted. Animation (video / DVD) could become a separate category. </li>
<li>All Titles must have an ISBN.</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>In event of a tie, libraries will be awarded based on annual purchasing budget sub-categories: under $10K, $10K-$50K, Over $50K.</li>
</ul>
<br />
There could be Future Categories, if someone WANTS EXTRA WORK. <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Category:Graphic_novels_by_genre" target="_blank">Wikipedia uses these nine categories</a> that we could use to give awards for library collections:<br />
<br />
A<br /><br /> ► Adventure graphic novels <br /><br />C<br /><br /> ► Crime graphic novels <br /><br />E<br /><br /> ► Erotic graphic novels <br /><br /> <br />F<br /><br /> ► Fantasy graphic novels <br /><br />H<br /><br /> ► Horror graphic novels <br /> ► Humor graphic novels <br /><br /> <br />N<br /><br /> ► Non-fiction graphic novels <br /><br />S<br /><br /> ► Science fiction graphic novels <br /> ► Superhero graphic novels <br />
<br />
Final Clarification. I would love to do this. And I could do it. But I can't imagine any library would accept an award from the.effing.librarian. So I don't know what to do with this DRAFT. Except post it and hope I can be involved in some way if-when it finally gets going. But I'll have to probably use my real name at some point. So promise you won't tell anyone it's me.the.effing.librarianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17091817894228602335noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4269881404837662180.post-20802385828950446672014-02-26T07:25:00.001-08:002014-02-26T07:25:18.298-08:00the first library to partner with google will be the last library standingA recent story had the mayor of Miami-Dade saying that his library system could be run with one librarian on Skype.<br /><br />After you're done shouting, Fuck You, Motherfucker, at this shitbag asshole of a mayor, take a moment to acknowledge that he's probably right. <br /><br />Many librarian skills have been devalued. Research has little value to people who have settled for being idiots. The number of people who claim Google can find anything they need, yet CAN'T USE GOOGLE, are growing exponentially. I have to stand next to an incredible number of assholes who use Google to get to: Yahoo, Hotmail, AOL... AOL is only 3 FUCKING LETTERS! So I stand there as they type G O O G L E and then press enter and then say, "Your Internet is down" with the same fucking authority I might imagine my doctor would use to tell me I have cancer. "I'm sorry. The test came back positive; your Internet is down." <br /><br />And I need to pretend that this is a teaching moment and remind them that GOOGLE is nothing, but GOOGLE.COM is something. And then they say back, "Well, not on my computer at home. There must be something wrong with your computers."<br /><br />And I don't say, "Using your logic, you should be able to leave this room, take a left, pull down your pants and take a shit because in your house there's a toilet there. But in the library, that's where the copier is. Have you been shitting on our copier?"<br /><br />So traditional Reference is dying. People don't want correct answers, only fast ones. And librarians, due to, I don't know, caring or education or professional ethics, can't get their heads around just giving their patrons the fastest answer without it necessarily being the right one:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
PATRON: Do you have books on how the building of the Panama Canal encouraged drug trafficking to the United States? <br />LIBRARIAN: Here! [Hands any random Panama book] And would you like to learn more about Discount Hotel Accommodations in Panama?</blockquote>
Thank you. That was my impression of a search engine.<br /><br />Library research takes some time, several minutes usually, to locate the right answer to a question. But people have been conditioned to accept every answer from Google as the best answer. Why? Because the Google results often link to a pretty good answer and people have decided that a pretty good answer really fast is better than a really good answer not so fast, or ten minutes later. <br /><br />And,... I'm leaping way ahead here (because the adrenaline is burning off and I'm losing interest in the topic), this is why your governments, refer to Miami-Dade at the top of this post, do not want to fund libraries: BECAUSE LIBRARIES ARE HERE TO EDUCATE. <br /><br />And it's pretty damn clear to anyone paying attention that politicians don't need their voters to be educated in order to get elected.<br /><br />Now that my political announcement is out of the way, let me get back to whatever it was I was trying to say.<br /><br />Reference librarians are finding is harder to do their jobs because of not only the historical reasons, people don't know what they do or are afraid to ask; but now people are just settling for some search engine to tell them what the the answer is.<br /><br />So what the people seem to want is <b>Google-fast with librarian-smart</b>. So like the title of this post says, the first library to partner with google will be the last library standing. If you think a library should still employ librarians.<br /><br />Libraries will forsake librarians. You will see fewer of us in the future. But there will still be library jobs, just $12-$15 an hour jobs like everywhere else. And the library CEO will make 10X more than that just like real business.<br /><br />And the librarians who are left will probably be your "rock stars" because they've been climbing over the rest of us for the past 5 years trying to be the important ones, when, frankly, I couldn't name one useful thing any of them has done. Other than get the rest of us to follow them on Facebook. <br /><br />So expect more mayors to question why we need librarians. Because educating the public, according to them, is the goal of the also underfunded public schools and the out-of-most-of-our-reach-without-borrowing expensive universities and NOT the role of the publicly-funded and therefore free-to-all public libraries. So fuck us for caring.<br />the.effing.librarianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17091817894228602335noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4269881404837662180.post-63806414048650315312014-02-19T21:39:00.000-08:002014-02-19T21:39:26.876-08:00Fun with German Libraries, or You Can't Use the Spear of Destiny to Attach that Photo to Your EmailIf you work in a public library, then you understand the agony of helping old people. Some of our elderly patrons will gleefully proclaim their ignorance of all modern technologies and smile as if this should make them appear cute and endearing. But it doesn't.<br />
<br />
I've been using computers since around 1985 and I know people who started a few years before me. And AOL, your grandparents' Facebook, started in 1991. But I'll give these oldsters the benefit of the doubt and remind them that Google started in 1997, so that's 15 years they've had to get up to speed with computer technology.<br />
<br />
So there's been more than enough time for them to learn something, anything, anything at all. But they haven't.<br /><br />The old people who know about using computers probably never visit the library, spending all their free time, most probably, helping their computer illiterate neighbors get all their money back from that deposed Nigerian prince.<br /><br />And this group of helpless mouse fumblers, virus spreaders, accidental rebooters and reckless spam clickers, is, according to Tom Brokaw, The Greatest Generation. Partly because they won World War II and defeated the Nazis.<br /><br />So this is what I don't get: if our oldest Americans are so clueless about computers and digital technology and claim they can't learn to use any of it because it's new and strange and confusing, AND these are the Americans who beat Hitler's master race, then... wait for it... what the hell are the old people like in Germany?<br /><br />Do German librarians work with even stupider people than we do? How did America beat the German Army or the Nazis? You know, the cool looking Germans who held their cigarettes upside down and wore monocles and polished their black leather boots until Colonel Hogan could read the latest secret codes in the reflection. One would think it's because we were better or smarter. Hell, we broke the Nazi code. Or maybe that was all just something that Hedy Lamarr did. <br /><br />So this Greatest Generation can't figure out email, but they deciphered the Enigma machine. Where does that leave the German former soldiers, the defeated? Does this make them completey incompetent? Or something else entirely?<br /><br />Based on what I learned from movies, I know Hitler was fascinated by the occult. Maybe German librarians face completely different problems from their aged veterans.<br /><br />I can almost hear someone telling this to their confused patron and former Nazi: <br />"<i>Sie können keine anhängen foto mit</i> the Spear of Destiny." Or, You cannot attach a photo with the Spear of Destiny.<br /><br />Or worse yet, but would probably only happen once, "<i>Ich kann nicht helfen</i>, I can't help you to email the Ark of the Covenant because I will need to cover my eyes when you open it."<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />
<br />the.effing.librarianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17091817894228602335noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4269881404837662180.post-85049399251810298332013-11-04T13:16:00.000-08:002013-11-04T13:16:50.968-08:00Bestsellers are not always what they seem.Americans spend $6 billion a year on books. And this industry goes largely unregulated by the government. There is no Agency like the FDA or the FCC to test books for adherence to purity or national standards in publishing. <br />
<br />
But using a method called DNA encoding, Canadian researchers have uncovered literary fraud in one-third of the New York Times bestsellers for fiction. <br />
<br />
Consumer advocates say that the public has fallen victim to questionable and even unsafe practices whereby popular novels are nothing more than filler and falsified ingredients. Of the 44 novels tested, many showed outright substitution from materials created from the minds of others and not of the stated author whose name is printed on the cover.<br />
<br />
Using a test called DNA barcoding, a kind of genetic fingerprinting that has also been used to help uncover labeling fraud in the commercial seafood industry, researchers tested popular novels from over a dozen large publishers.<br />
<br />For example, of one unnamed novel sampled, a current legal thriller on multiple bestseller lists, was not written by the well-known author, but actually penned by Tito Wagner, a much lesser-known thriller author who makes his home in Switzerland. The novel bares no resemblance to the claimed author's work other than for locations set in Mississippi. But the DNA testing showed that often Swiss place names appeared in the work, such as the location of the story's courthouse as being listed in Büttenhardt, Mississippi. <br />
<br />
The test also showed that other sections of the novel contained almost no portion of the original story and others were only a sprinkling of source material diluted with Project Gutenberg content from a public domain title, mostly Little Women by Louisa May Alcott.<br />
<br />
An example:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
Nobody spoke for a minute; then Jake said in an altered tone, "You know the reason Lettie proposed not having any presents this Christmas was because it is going to be a hard winter for everyone; and she thinks we ought not to spend money for pleasure, when our men are suffering so in the army. We can't do much, but we can make our little sacrifices, and ought to do it gladly. But I am afraid I don't," and Jake shook his head, as he thought regretfully of all the pretty things he wanted.</blockquote>
<br />
<br />
Sure it doesn't make much sense as a legal thriller, but so far no one has seemed to notice, heaping immeasurable praise upon this fraud.<br />
<br />Representatives of the publishing industry said that while mislabeling of novels was a legitimate concern, they did not believe it reached the extent suggested by the new research, stating, "Meg (from Little Women) is one hell of a character." <br />
<br />
But because the latest findings are backed by DNA testing, they offer perhaps the most credible evidence to date of adulteration, contamination and mislabeling in the publishing industry. And given the explosive growth of ebooks, an area where demands for new books are continuing to rise, the need for fresh content has encouraged this unacceptable behavior. Critics say this blatant misuse of older texts to create new works is either being created from ignorance, incompetence or outright dishonesty.<br />
<br />
All agree that more oversight is needed.<br />
<br />
---<br />
<br />story idea ripped off from <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2013/11/05/science/herbal-supplements-are-often-not-what-they-seem.html" target="_blank">this NYT story about herbal supplements</a> with some sections stolen outright and left unchanged. because it's funnier that way.<br />
<br />
the.effing.librarianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17091817894228602335noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4269881404837662180.post-35943177351157607432013-10-15T13:11:00.001-07:002013-10-16T08:15:07.582-07:00Why Public Libraries are no longer WELCOME in the MODERN WORLDI have a theory that public libraries are tied to the Middle Class in society. And like the disappearance of the middle class in the 21st century, the loss of well-paying jobs, the weakening of trade unions, libraries can also see that there are many who don't want to pay to support something that doesn't directly affect themselves.<br />
<br />
When you read about libraries today, you will often see the author repeat that he has not entered a library in many many years. And that is why the library isn't needed. "I" don't need it, so "You" don't need it.<br />
<br />
It seems to be a lack of empathy that is killing libraries. You can do just minimal research to learn the part of the brain that guides or forms feelings of empathy is one of the last to develop and that it doesn't develop equally in everyone. You can have a highly developed brain in other areas, be a genius, but develop little or no empathy.<br />
<br />
By Trade, the librarian is taught to say, We and You and They need this because the librarian represents everyone. "I need this" is not usually a factor in the decision process.<br />
<br />
I'll acknowledge that this role does not explicitly represent empathy. Buying a GED book for the library because the librarian perceives a public need may not be a sign of empathy if that same public wants something else. Librarians believe they are building infrastructure. If there is a general need for something, a librarian considers that material part of the core of the collection.<br />
<br />
The worst thing about the "I don't need libraries, so you don't" people is that they attempt to use logic to justify their narcissism:<br />
I don't use libraries.<br />
No one I know uses libraries.<br />
Everything is on the internet.<br />
Everyone has smartphones.<br />
No one needs libraries.<br />
<br />
But they don't even use simple reasoning to find out if libraries are useful: VISIT THE LIBRARY.<br />
<br />
The most basic rule of science is to observe. Is the library parking lot full? Are people passing through the doors? Are they entering and leaving with objects? What are those objects? What behaviors do you witness on the inside of the library? What are the people doing?<br />
<br />
I don't use an Apple iPhone or iPad, but I don't expect the company to go bankrupt because I have no need for their products. Because I can make these observations and apply critical thinking to what I see.<br />
<br />
That there are some who don't want to see the need for libraries is just another reason for librarians to work harder to serve the people who actually need us. Otherwise those we serve would just be invisible.the.effing.librarianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17091817894228602335noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4269881404837662180.post-34364019535663079342013-10-01T14:59:00.000-07:002013-10-01T14:59:22.944-07:00I coulda been a Mover. I coulda been a Shaker. Instead, I'm just a bum.I first took notice when the phone rang. It was my brother Charley's voice. He said, Take the fall.
<br />
<br />
What? I said. <br />
<br />
Tank it. Flub it. Do not answer that question correctly, he said. His voice a mix of anger and desperation. And the line cut off.
<br />
<br />
So I flubbed it.
<br />
<br />
A little girl was at the desk looking for a book on Bolivia. The catalog showed we had two on the shelf. But I looked at her innocent face and thought of Charley. Why would he call me at work, here in the library at that exact moment and tell me, beg me, to take a dive? It must be important. <br />
<br />
So I sent that girl away with nothing. I didn't even ask her if she could use a book on Paraguay or Argentina. Hell, any librarian would have offered Argentina.
<br />
<br />
I flubbed it. I told her all the books were checked out. And I did it for Charley. Because he's my brother.
<br />
<br />
I learned later that the Mafia had moved into the library. Mobsters began taking book on the outcomes of reference queries: would she find the answer, or not? Laying odds based on Google pre-searches, catalog queries, the color of the librarian's cardigan, whether she wore contacts or glasses, many factors. And people were betting money. Big money. The odds in Macau on whether a certain Brooklyn librarian could find one tiny fact hidden within a terabyte of data fluctuates based on what she had for lunch: lo mein and spring rolls or a tuna hoagie.
<br />
<br />
At first I was surprised that gambling had come to the Reference desk. But then it began to make sense. Was that book on the shelf? 3 to 2 it wasn't. Is the document feeder on the copier going to jam on that folded sheet of paper? 17 to 5.
<br />
<br />
The library is all about numbers. Most people mistakenly believe the library is about words. But numbers rule. The words are just the decoration.
<br />
<br />
Item records are numbers. Statistics are numbers. Shelf locations are numbers. Many people have gone through library school after earning their liberal arts degrees in a bewildering cloud of unexpected numbers.
<br />
<br />
So it's no surprise that these numbers are going to make some people rich.
<br />
<br />
And that is how I got that call from Charley. He was helping to make his boss rich by taking the long odds against my finding that book and helping that girl. All it took was a threat to something Charley valued to make him make that call. Knowing Charley, it was probably the threat of someone cutting off his balls.
<br />
<br />
But for me, it was terrible timing because I'd just heard back from the awards committee at Library Journal that I made the short, the extremely short list to be named a Mover & Shaker. I wrote that Chrome browser extension where every instance of the word 'book' links in real time through IP or cell tower to the nearest library location when you touch or click the link. It works great and I was going to get some national recognition. But then Charley called. And, well, as you can guess, I didn't make the final cut.
<br />
<br />
He had "some guys" who wanted me to sabotage my algorithm to make it less accurate. And I said, Hell, No, and Charley said, But my balls! and I said, Okay. So I pushed the update with the weaker code and now 30% of the clicks direct users to the website for a Subway restaurant in Jacksonville, Florida.
<br />
<br />
But I almost made it. Almost counts for something, right? And maybe the next time Charley calls, it will be to say that some other schmuck librarian is going to take the dive and it will be my turn in the spotlight. Next time.
the.effing.librarianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17091817894228602335noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4269881404837662180.post-35267883623483712992013-09-05T12:50:00.000-07:002013-09-05T12:50:05.454-07:00How we killed the public libraryDon't know if you've heard, but the public library is dead. Or dying. Or has a really bad cough.<br />
<br />
If you don't know if you know how public libraries worked when they were around, but they were places where people could read and borrow books without having to pay any money for the privilege. Lots of other people with money paid so that people without money could spend their days in a comfortable space away from all the places where the people with money went to spend their days. <br />
<br />
And at one time libraries had a noble goal, to educate. And then they had the somewhat less noble goal, to entertain. And now we see libraries without any goals at all, filled with librarians who sigh all day long. Until they can go out and drink all night.<br />
<br />
The original primary goal of libraries was probably to find and store copies of all the stuff -- but since that wasn't possible as more stuff was produced, libraries chose to just collect the best stuff. So all these professional associations and publications formed to try to evaluate all the stuff and decide which stuff by which publishers and authors was worth having.<br />
<br />
And that worked great for the last 75 years. But then libraries stopped caring so much about the best stuff and began collecting popular stuff, regardless of quality. But at least people borrowed that stuff.<br />
<br />
But now we're in a period where we have vendor driven stuff, meaning you get what you get. We had vendor issues in the past with print materials and with CDs and DVDs, but libraries were able to get pretty much anything that was produced. But now we have ebooks available to libraries from one to three vendors and the selection is very limited with some publishers completely opting out from offering any e-content to libraries. And downloadable music has one company that I know of that gets all it music from one publisher. And streaming music and video probably suffers from the same conspiracy of limitations.<br />
<br />
And that's where we are now, in a conspiracy of limitations. We get what we get based on any number of intentional or random factors.<br />
<br />
So what does this mean in the really bad cough of libraries? <br />
<br />
I guess there will be libraries with no books. They will call themselves Conversation Stations, or some other bullshit, and they will feel successful because the seats are filled every day with people streaming movies to their "devices" - whatever the fuck those will be. But there might still be libraries that are still serious about being libraries. And they will have books. (Please, let them have books.) <br />
<br />
Ask any library professional to speculate on the future of the public library and as you listen, you will hear a prediction of its death. You will hear about the evolving space and the concept of community and some other incarnation whereby the library is essentially an open-air toilet with some bookmarks left over from a summer reading program in 2006. Services will evolve, they say as if those words are brand new.<br />
<br />
But when free wireless is available city-wide, delivered from Google dirigibles or a massive congestion of overlapping signals from McDonald's and Starbucks, what will the library have left to offer?<br />
<br />
I read articles where some idiot laments the difficulty with using library resources, catalogs, databases. They want everything to be easier. But tools are not easy to use; you cut your finger on a kitchen knife or smash your thumb with a hammer, but no one stops cutting or hammering. We learn. If tools were easy, we would all fix our own cars. But no, professional mechanics fix your car. Some librarians want to dumb down the profession of librarianship! To what end? Why the fuck would you want to do that? So what if the catalog is difficult to use: teach people to use it. The people who learn will be smart and the other assholes will remain assholes; it's that simple.<br />
<br />
The librarians want people to share more with others. Share. More. You know identity theft didn't affect hardly anyone 15 years ago. There was maybe one movie on Lifetime about how "She Stole My Identity and My Daughter." But now everyone, EVERYONE, has received a letter from some company stating that your credit card information may have been included in the 200 million accounts that were stolen from their computers and that you should monitor your credit for $6.95 a month FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. <br />
<br />
So what is the future of the public library when there are no books, everything is in the cloud, wireless access is everywhere and professional librarians are replaced with videos and online tutorials?<br />No books means no building.<br />The Cloud means no building.<br />Online tutorials mean no building.<br />
<br />
And no building means no staff.<br />
<br />
But wait! The librarians say, We're a Conversation Station! Or a Community Center! Or a Homeless Shelter!<br />
<br />
Sure you are. But is that a Library?<br />
<br />
You can cheer and say you did your job because everyone has what they want and the mission is served, but the library will be gone.<br />
<br />
My idea of the library has always included some form of Quality Control. I went to school to learn what that is. But now we don't seem to care about what content the library offers, just that it circulates.<br />
<br />
The librarian used to provide answers. But this new librarian just wants to sit back and let the people converse. <br />
What is the answer? everyone asks. <br />And the librarian grins, Exactly. Because everyone is talking.<br />
<br />
I think librarians feel inadequate compared to the internet. After all, the internet has all the answers. The internet got faster while the librarian just seemed like an unnecessary second step in finding information. So the librarian quit offering to find information. The librarian outsourced more of the answers to the database vendors and told people how to search but not how to find the right answers.<br />
<br />
And when the people proved too stupid to find the answers in the databases, the librarians gave up on those and funneled all the money into streaming movies and music. Which is okay because if you look at the library mission, there's always something in there about "community needs." And when your community is too dumb to learn, then give them Adam Sandler flicks.<br />
<br />
I don't think about what the library will be like in 2020. Maybe it will be an organ farm, forming body parts in organic 3D printers. I don't give a fuck. I just know that for a library to function, information should be accessible. And that requires three things: information, the information seeker and the librarian.<br />
<br />
And moving any part of that equation farther and farther from the library is not how I define accessibility. the.effing.librarianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17091817894228602335noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4269881404837662180.post-6589770266435030562013-08-15T10:27:00.001-07:002013-08-15T14:10:34.299-07:00Because we are cheap laborIt's amazing what the switch to an Information Economy does to a society.<br />
<br />
There was an article a few months ago that showed why Amazon doesn't make a profit. <br />
<a href="http://www.fool.com/investing/general/2013/04/26/prime-is-killing-amazons-profit.aspx">here's one. </a> Yet, Jeff Bezos has enough money to buy the <em>Washington Post</em>.<br />
<br />
And Google produces nothing as far as I can tell, yet it is one of the most powerful companies in the world.<br />
<br />
And Facebook is worth $50-$100 billion? And they produce, what?<br />
<br />
And the companies that produce actual products or manage commodities aren't nearly as rich as the ones who manage information. <br />
<br />
Agriculture and manufacturing may keep humans alive, but information gives us purpose.<br />
<br />
Each of us must expect that we are here to produce data and information. You might be mad that Google reads your email, but that's their job, and yours, to let them. And what asshole thinks that free email is like paid snail mail? If you could pay 46 cents, the current price of a stamp, to send an email with the guarantee it would not be read, would you pay it?<br />
<br />
No, you wouldn't.<br />
<br />
In the current economy, we produce data. And we are rewarded with more crap than we can read or view or hear in this lifetime. We consume what we produce and produce what we consume. It's a cycle. But in this information chain, we humans are very near the bottom and companies like Amazon and Google, Facebook are at the top.<br />
<br />
I just think it's interesting that snail mail and landline phone calls and UHF/VHF television and AM/FM radio could never be monetized in the way that digital media is now. Companies could only guess at what motivated consumers. But now that we are both the producers and the consumers, companies know everything. Because we just give it away.the.effing.librarianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17091817894228602335noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4269881404837662180.post-75429556599495311242013-07-29T13:36:00.002-07:002013-07-29T13:37:12.222-07:00THE FUTURE OF LIBRARIES IS...<drumroll><br />
<br />
library users.<br />
<br />
Thank you. You may go back to work.<br />
<br />
Google gives over one million results for "a solution in search of a problem." So there should be a word for that, right? If there isn't one, make one up and create a Wikipedia for it with some bogus reference to a German text citing "Lösungnichtproblem," a <em>solution without a problem</em>.<br />
<br />
Libraries are continually pushing new solutions to imagined problems. When, to quote the scholar Johnny Rotten, "the problem is you."<br />
<br />
Problem, what you gonna do?<br />
<br />
Here is what I see in my library. This is the library patron who hasn't visited any library in many years:<br />
<blockquote>
I haven't been to a library since I was a little girl.<br />
<em>What brought you in today?</em><br />
<ul>
<li>I'm tired of buying shit that I can get for free. </li>
<li>I also don't need to own more shit. </li>
<li>I just want to read the book or watch the movie or listen to the album and then get it the hell out of my house. </li>
<li>I don't want my family to have to sell a whole bunch of crap after I die.</li>
</ul>
<em>Well, then, the library is here for you.</em></blockquote>
That's your motherfucking library customer.<br />
<br />
There's no reason to chase the customer who can't think of a reason, all on his own, to visit the library. You don't need him.<br />
<br />
That NEW THING is not going to get that person to visit the library.<br />
<br />
But since you work in a library and you don't know what else to do with your time, I suspect you'll buy that NEW THING.<br />
<br />
Did you hire more staff when you did that NEW THING?<br />
No<br />
So existing staff need to find time to learn this NEW THING?<br />
Yes<br />
And spend time not helping your existing customers?<br />
Yes.<br />
THEN DON'T DO THAT NEW THING.<br />
<br />
Why would you neglect your existing customers to chase after some hypothetical new customer?<br />
<br />
Do you enjoy making people unhappy?<br />
<br />
If you look at your visitor stats and your circulation stats and your program stats, and <br />
everything looks good, then why are you fucking with anything?<br />
<br />
Did you find new money to spend on this new thing?<br />
<br />
If not, did you survey your users to see if they agree with diverting money away from old <br />
things to this new thing?<br />
<br />
But let's assume you answer Yes to having new money for new things. And we'll also assume everyone has time to learn this new thing. And you're not really sure what the new thing will do for your library users, but you're read about some success with the new thing at other libraries. <br />
<br />
Then, by all means, do it. You have my blessing.the.effing.librarianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17091817894228602335noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4269881404837662180.post-45917110674709057422013-06-27T10:03:00.002-07:002013-06-27T10:03:46.563-07:00The Evolution of 3D Printing at the Library<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTw-GNKN56UGRE2E8BnXPmt67WPvTYc_mQg-mvyjAYjeElK-Pb0sXxsIm_pcMrtuNM_h1APeCHoOfT94Sfed6LBRryib86CH0WICuZSIYt17n6C4wG36ByEFljWFn4fnqMvOK0G_fL9BPt/s1600/3dsexrobot.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTw-GNKN56UGRE2E8BnXPmt67WPvTYc_mQg-mvyjAYjeElK-Pb0sXxsIm_pcMrtuNM_h1APeCHoOfT94Sfed6LBRryib86CH0WICuZSIYt17n6C4wG36ByEFljWFn4fnqMvOK0G_fL9BPt/s1600/3dsexrobot.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />the.effing.librarianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17091817894228602335noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4269881404837662180.post-46355879705460989602013-06-18T15:12:00.000-07:002013-06-18T15:12:30.548-07:00ALL YOUR DATA ARE BELONG TO USI heard another story recently about DATA, BIG DATA and how RICH we will all be when we finally learn how to make money from it. And I'm pretty sure I called, BULLSHIT.<br />
<br />
I have bad news: the world has plans for your data. And those plans don't involve you.<br />
<br />
What is Facebook? What is Google+? What even is Reddit? These are places on the internet. Not the internet: places. I don't even think you would call these places web portals anymore; they are communities. And they want to make sure you never leave.<br />
<br />
What is Google for that matter? It's not the internet. It's a location. You know that Google can alter how it scores different websites so that some show up near the top of the search results and some drop to the bottom. And some probably don't make the cut at all. We know this if we work in libraries because most of our subscription databases aren't indexed in Google. So they don't exist on the internet. All of that content is available through your library and it doesn't really exist online because it can't be found through a Google search.<br />
<br />
The Internet becomes smaller each day. Some people spend their whole day on Facebook. For them, the internet <i>is </i>Facebook. But we know that the internet is 1000 times bigger than Facebook. But not for many many many people.<br />
<br />
So if you spend all day on Facebook or Twitter or even using Google, you are a captive audience. Any perceived freedom you feel you have while roaming the internet is simply an illusion. Unless you are your own ISP; and if so, bully for you.<br />
<br />
And what does that mean to a company? To Facebook, it's free labor. If you spend all day there, Facebook grows richer as you click on the stories and games they show you. Your choices dwindle because you have chosen to give your time to Facebook. And these choices tell Facebook who you are and what you are as a dataset. You become predictable. Which means Facebook doesn't need you. A computer can reproduce your actions on Facebook. Your predictability has become predictable. All your data become worthless.<br />
<br />
The same is true with Google. It would take a million million cameras mounted on every street to collect all the information in the real world that gets collected about us every day.<br />
<br />
The only way your data are valuable is when you do not know you are being observed. And when the world learned that the USA was watching everyone, we learned that we were under scrutiny. I can guess that all the data collected over the last couple of weeks is crap since anyone worth watching altered everything they did. Patterns were lost. But since the USA knows that everyone knew they were being watched, they can just create a subset of new data for the last two weeks. New patterns to compare with the old.<br />
<br />
We want to be clever and hide from whoever watches us, but we're never clever enough. <br />
<br />
Let me explain my understanding of our current level of online or consumer anonymity. I'm not very smart, so I'll keep it simple so I don't lose focus and wander off.<br />
<br />
You see a coupon in the paper for $1 off beef jerky. You take it to the store and save $1. Now there may be some code on that coupon that tells the company in which newspaper in or which region of the country it appeared, but unless you use a credit card for your jerky purchase, you remain anonymous.<br />
<br />
But if the beef jerky company offers that $1 coupon in exchange for your email address, along with the promise of future coupons, then that company can begin to build some data profile for you. Even if it's a bullshit email address that you only use for jerky coupons, it's still information. And if some day you forget or get sloppy and use that email for something important, then the jerky company, or more accurately, the company collecting the data and reporting to the jerky company, will then have solid data about you. And then the company collecting the data compiles it with all the other data until it creates some kind of profile it can sell to other companies not involved in the delicious world of jerky manufacturing.<br />
<br />
And when enough people respond to the online bait and get hooked, the jerky company will cease to offer those mostly anonymous print coupons. Because the data collected from the email campaign has become so much more important.<br />
<br />
And you continue to collect those valuable jerky coupons in your email along with every other person. But since those others are not nearly as clever as you, the jerky company learns much more about them than they do about you. So their data are more valuable. <br />
<br />
And then you, still relatively anonymous because you are so clever, find that your coupons stop arriving? What? And you go back to the website to enter your email address again, but it gets rejected. Why?<br />
<br />
Because the jerky company doesn't need you anymore. It has enough consumer data. And you have been priced out of the market. You're no longer worth that $1 coupon. Or worse, you were never as clever as you thought you were because the data company was able to collect the data from everyone around you which gave them a clear picture of what and who you are simply by your proximity to known data. Have you ever heard the term, "I drink your milkshake"?<br />
<br />
I keep hearing these stories about the value in my data. But there is nothing that proves that my data are worth anything. <i>That's driving me crazy; I'm going to treat the word 'data' as singular from now on...</i> since the goal of these companies is to isolate my data from everyone else's, my data will eventually become indistinguishable from me. Singular.<br />
<br />
And if you look at the way the internet works, you know that it only takes a small percentage of internet users to determine what has value, what is trending. The internet doesn't really need me, or you. <br />
<br />
So imagine that your online worth or even your credit is no good. Imagine if you can't get a free Gmail or Facebook or Pinterest account because no one wants your worthless data. <br />
<br />
And from what I can understand, the internet is run by the same market forces we see in other commodities whereby manufacturers attempt to drive down the cost of labor and materials in order to increase profits. And guess what? On the internet, you are the labor and your data is the material. <br />
<br />
Imagine being so discovered and understood and known that no company wants to show you ads anymore. Because everyone knows where you eat lunch, how you shop, when you go to the movies, etc.<br />
<br />
BIG DATA had its way with you. Now BIG DATA is bored with you. And BIG DATA just wants you out of the apartment.<br />
<br />
<br />the.effing.librarianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17091817894228602335noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4269881404837662180.post-37655662860660671082013-05-31T14:52:00.001-07:002013-05-31T14:52:12.298-07:00evolution of the library: using books<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://i195.photobucket.com/albums/z213/effinglibrarian/evolution650_zps402aad88.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://i195.photobucket.com/albums/z213/effinglibrarian/evolution650_zps402aad88.jpg" /></a></div>
the.effing.librarianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17091817894228602335noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4269881404837662180.post-34625032780210687022013-05-31T10:47:00.002-07:002013-05-31T11:00:25.887-07:00Librarian Job Seekers: RUN!I know you've seen the library job posts seeking<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> dynamic energetic trendspotting trainspotting spotty-bottomed socially-networked fun daring crunk super-powered</span></span> candidates to bring new and fantastic ideas to the hiring organization.<br />
<br />
And you probably thought that you might apply.<br />
<br />
But I say, DO NOT.<br />
<br />
The answer should be a simple question asked to the advertising library: Why the fuck don't you have any of those people at your library now?<br />
<br />
Why does this library need dynamic people? Are the current ones sloths? Are those sloths still living in the 1950s?<br />
<br />
This is what I expect with happen when you get that job:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<div style="text-align: left;">
YOUR NEW BOSS: Here are some more push pins and JCPenney catalogs for the library's Pinterest account. Make sure you pin lots of nice stuff.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
YOU: It doesn't work like..</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
YOUR NEW BOSS: Let me know when you need more pins.</div>
</blockquote>
OR... <br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
YOUR NEW BOSS: How come our library Twitter account doesn't have one million friends yet? That Kutcher boy got a million in just a few days.<br />
<br />
YOU: The library has over 7,000 followers. That's very good for a library serving a population of 10,000.<br />
<br />
YOUR NEW BOSS: Oh, is it now?</blockquote>
<br />
And YOUR NEW BOSS will think you suck. Because YOUR NEW BOSS never had a fucking clue about what YOUR NEW BOSS wanted or needed or what to expect from any new librarian.<br />
<br />
Don't you wonder about a library that seems so desperate to post a job description like that? What it tells me is that everyone is way past retirement age and the ones doing the hiring are totally clueless. Like they want a librarian, you, to come in and make up for the last 30 years of all those employees who clung to the belief that computers were just a fad and if they just sat quietly at their desks and never touched theirs, they would never need to. And it will be your job to get them into the 21st century in a week-and-a-half. Why would you want to try to clean up that mess? Who wants to be the sole excited dynamic fun librarian in a crowd of fossils? You will be miserable.<br />
<br />
Or worse. And this is worse. That you will be part of a group of young librarians who are all super dynamic and full of energy and who stab each other in the back for a tiny sliver of the library's paltry book and supply budget, and that you'll go broke buying Carmex for all the ass you'll have to smooch just to stay in the game.<br />
<br />
Either way: RUN.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />the.effing.librarianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17091817894228602335noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4269881404837662180.post-9064364119851519102013-05-05T12:57:00.000-07:002013-05-06T09:06:14.876-07:00Data, data. Who's got the data?Not only do you not own your data, you don't want to.<br />
<br />
It was while wearing my peril-sensitive sunglasses that I understood the current consumer trend toward privacy being SEP (<i>Somebody Else's Problem</i>).<br />
<br />
When I put on my sunglasses, or specifically, the <i>Joo Janta 200 Super-Chromatic Peril Sensitive Sunglasses</i>, they were already black. I moved to another room, yet still the lenses remained totally darkened. I removed them and saw no tiger nor vampire nor <i>Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal</i>.<br />
<br />
It took that instance to make me realize that my temporary blindness caused by my glasses was directly related to the constant peril that is all around me. But what was it that was so potentially perilous? <br />
<br />
After some experimentation, my current theory is that it's "the cloud."<br />
<br />
Cloud Computing isn't that scary in small bits, such as your email account. But the cloud as the standard delivery model for all computer services is what is terrifying. But that is what consumers, what you (and I), have already chosen.<br />
<br />
So let me explain the horror since you obviously can't, or you choose not to, see it. <br />
<br />
The cloud is like having a bank account. You put something somewhere, in this case money in a bank, and the bank sends that money off as loans to individuals, other banks, etc. The money is gone. It only exists as data that shows how much money you should be able to withdraw if the bank had that cash on hand. But really, the money is both gone and not gone. You never know whether there is any money at all in your bank. But to keep everyone from freaking out, the FDIC guarantees your money is somewhere and you should be able to get it back if something happened to the bank.<br />
<br />
But what about other cloud products? What about email? Is it safe? This is probably the first cloud product each of us had. There isn't much you can do without an email account.<br />
<br />
But have you ever lost access to an email account? I see someone every week who loses access to his email because he forgot his password or forgot security questions or didn't set up an alternate email. Does anyone insure this access? No. When the cloud fails, there is no backup. I guess you could export everything someplace else, but who does that?<br />
<br />
In order for the cloud to function, you need to trust it completely. Give it access to all your other cloud accounts and let it back up your terrestrial data.<br />
<br />
And once that happens, is your data still your data? What are the terms of service for all these clouds? <br />
<br />
When everything is on your phone and each app on that phone is tied to a different cloud service, what happens to all your data? What do they do with it (them)? And WHO are THEY? Isn't it easier to just let them have your data and do whatever the hell they want? <br />
<br />
Do you really want to know? I mean, do you really really really want to know? <br />
<br />
Of course not. And the sunglasses go black.<br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>all italicized references copyright Douglas Adams, RIP. </i></span>the.effing.librarianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17091817894228602335noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4269881404837662180.post-59912310478451689932013-05-02T11:22:00.001-07:002013-05-02T11:22:44.355-07:00Buying an MLS, Part IIHow Broke Would You Be with Library Certification?<br />
<br />
People argue every year about the MLS, that it doesn't teach what it should, or that it costs too much, or that it's unfair to people who don't have time to get it or are too lazy to get it or are too stupid to get it or are too drunk to get it, or that it doesn't stand for Major League Soccer.<br />
<br />
So as a reference, I took a brief look at what it takes to become a certified Library Media Specialist in the state of New York.<br />
<br />
First, there is all this shit:<br />
<blockquote>
Requirements for Permanent Certificate, School Media Specialist (Library) <br />
Following are all possible pathways available to receive the certificate specified above. The specific requirements to satisfy each pathway are also listed. <br />
<br />
Pathway: Certificate Progression <br />
Requirements: <br />
Hold a Valid Provisional Certificate - School Media Specialist (Library) <br />
Additional Education - Masters Degree <br />
Paid, full-time Classroom Teaching experience - 2 Yrs <br />
Workshop - Child Abuse Identification <br />
Workshop - School Violence Intervention and Prevention <br />
Fingerprint Clearance <br />
Citizenship Status - INS Permanent Residence or U.S. Citizenship </blockquote>
Well, I don't remember exactly what it took to get my MLS, but I don't remember any 2 yrs of paid library experience or Library Violence Intervention workshops or even getting fingerprinted. I just showed up at the back door of the library and two weeks later, I picked up a check.<br />
<br />
And after all that, there's this:<br />
<blockquote>
If you are employed in a New York State public school…<br />
You must complete 175 hours of professional development every five years. This maintains the validity of the Professional certificate and allows you to continue to teach. The first professional development period begins on July 1 following the effective date of the certificate. </blockquote>
175 hours? That's longer than it took for James Franco to drink his own pee and saw off his arm. So that extra 48 hours might have me also sawing off my own foot.<br />
<br />
And then there's testing, the New York State Teacher Certification Examinations. The one for Media Specialist will certify that you (0001-0005 and others omitted)<br />
<blockquote>
0006 Understand types and characteristics of print, nonprint, and electronic resources.<br />
0007 Understand types and characteristics of literature for children and young adults. <br />
0008 Understand issues and procedures related to collection development.<br />
0011 Understand how to locate and access resources and how to teach these skills to students.</blockquote>
Now I'll stop here. Because 0011 would kill me. Because, yes, although I understand how to locate and access resources, I have not a fucking clue on how to teach these skills to library patrons who don't have more than 15 seconds of free time and who don't listen to what I say and who are probably hallucinating that I'm some talking moose there to steal his gold.<br />
<br />
I can't imagine all the shit a public librarian would need to know for certification:<br />
<blockquote>
0001 Understand types and characteristics of library patrons, including loonies, crazies, smellies, normals, babies, seniors and tweens.<br />
0014 Understand types and characteristics of portable reading devices such as Kindles, iPads, iPhones and Androids and Chinese knockoffs of all of the above.</blockquote>
So when you complain about the expense or relevance of the MLS, think about what it might be like to work in a career with continual professional requirements.<br />
<br />the.effing.librarianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17091817894228602335noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4269881404837662180.post-56663409586118801372013-04-30T10:47:00.002-07:002013-04-30T14:12:47.846-07:00Why buy an MLS?I'll save you the trouble of reading the rest of this post: if you want to be a librarian, get the MLS. If you don't get the degree, then don't bitch when you don't get the job. <br />
<br />
And if you're an administrator, hire people with an MLS to fill those few librarian jobs. Having the degree won't guarantee you get the best candidates, but if you don't support the degree, you can almost guarantee that many of your future librarian candidates will have no library training at all.<br />
<br />
Now, to the post:<br />
<br />
I haven't done any professional reading since I got a professional library gig. And by professional reading, I mean reading several articles, distilling the main points form the bullshit, then combining that with my thoughts and experiences to create solutions or methods for, umm, stuff. See, it's been so long, I don't even remember why I would do it.<br />
<br />
The point is that I'm working. I solve my local library problems with local remedies. I clean the potato chips out of the keyboards. I kick the copier in the right spot. I do the stuff my library gives me. I don't have the luxury of time to question or survey and then to propose theories that may or may not work. Because I'm at work now. So I use my accumulated knowledge and experience and do what needs to be done. <br />
<br />
<div>
Library school was the time for all that reading. There were lots of rhetoricals: </div>
<ul>
<li>What if you had $25,000 to spend anyway you wanted, but it had to increase library use by albinos? </li>
<li>What if all Js disappeared from all the library books? </li>
<li>What if the library were replaced with a 5,000 pound ham?</li>
</ul>
And we read library books and library essays and had deep library thoughts.<br />
<br />
The only reading I do now is for me to blog some dick and fart jokes.<br />
<br />
Library school made me think about the profession, about the history of libraries and about the possible futures. If I didn't go to library school and just started as a shelver or a page or clerk, then I might know that job, but what else would I know? <br />
<br />
Let's say I worked my way up from a clerk to a lead worker to a manager. That's great, but I still would be limited to what I learned at my library about those jobs. And if I moved from one library to another, I might know a few more ways to do things that could help to expand my knowledge of the career. If I had an apprenticeship at one or two libraries, I would still only know what their librarians knew enough about to teach me.<br />
<br />
And I think my knowledge of library work would be less if I hadn't gone to library school. Having those discussions about how to create a library in a zero-g environment, or how to print books with only coconuts for paper and ink: these questions expand your understanding of the library as method and as a form, as an abstract and as a concrete thing. Library school exercises your imagination about what libraries are or could be. I don't think any work experience creates an equal environment.<br />
<br />
I also think there would be no profession without the professional degree. I think it would become like any other job. There would be people who love it just as there are those who love folding sweaters at JCP. But love does not mean that person has the required skills to make the business succeed. And if JCP closes, then that person would go and fold sweaters at Target.<br />
<br />
But there is no business equal to a public or academic library (to a special library, maybe, there seem to be endless models) for you to transfer to when your library bites it. What about the privately run public library? Yeah, what about it? Fuck them. They should get cancer.<br />
<br />
What about Certification, you ask? What about it? What if librarianship went the way of Computer or Automobile Mechanics? Do you know what those certifications cost? No? Neither do I. But you should have some idea because you work in a library and you buy or don't buy those books. A+ Certification books and ASE Certification materials? I wonder if you added all those things up whether they would be cheaper than a Master's degree. So, is continual certification training and testing cheaper then the MLS, dunno, but it might be. There's got to be a calculator around here...<br />
<br />
I also think that getting the degree is like everything else you do or don't do: you can't know. If you practice your viola, will you make it to Carnegie Hall? If you use heroin will you become a junkie? You can't know these things. Some of the best violists were junkies. Okay, I think I made that up.<br />
<br />
So I'm not the expert on this. I can't be. Because it's your life. I can just tell you that I think the degree has value. But what do I know? I'm just a working librarian.<br />
<br />the.effing.librarianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17091817894228602335noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4269881404837662180.post-57684470443194331932013-04-21T13:30:00.000-07:002013-04-21T13:30:02.593-07:00Information may want to be free, but you'll probably go to jail for helping it.I'm not famous. I don't open a new pair of fresh underpants each day. Even for special days or special events, I still need to evaluate the merits of existing underpants. So in that way, I'm just like you, getting ready for Tim and Molly's wedding, poking through your collection of old and worn undergarments to find ones that won't embarrass you when you drink too much and pass out on the hood of the limo.<br /><br />Which beings me to Aaron Swartz. Remember how he got busted for downloading JSTOR articles? You should.<br /><br />I was having a conversation with my girlfriend when I remembered some of the stuff I'm telling you now. Because I have a truly shitty memory and I can't remember anything until something prompts me to remember. That's why I have tattoos. Ask anyone why I have tattoos and they'll tell you it's to remember. Without all this ink, I would have no memory at all of the 1980s. Yes, that's Maggie Thatcher on my right calf almost close enough to snog Bob Geldof all wrapped in an outline of Live Aid Africa.<br /><br />So something came up on our conversation and I remembered how when I wanted to "steal" all the magazine articles contained on the CDs at the library. Kind of like what Aaron did. But back in 1988.<br /><br />Ever since I became aware of magazine databases I wanted to find a way to get all the articles out of them. Before I became a librarian, I had to make a reservation at the college library to use the computer that had access to all the articles I needed. And I thought about ways to download all those articles so I wouldn't have to wait ever again to use that computer. But I never did it.<br /><br />And when I became a librarian, our library had a huge CD tower with all these articles stored there and I wondered how to get them off of that one computer so they would be easier to distribute to our patrons. You know, move them from that one PC and host them on our web server so all our patrons could search for articles from any of our branches.<br /><br />And even within the last 5-6-7-8 years, when we'd learn from a vendor that some publisher was pulling content from the databases we pay for, I wanted to copy all the content and make it available even after the publisher pulled out. My reasoning was that we paid for it, so it was ours up till the date it got pulled. And I was going to archive it.<br /><br />I'm not attempting to compare myself to Aaron, but I'm saying that if I'd had even the tiniest amount of programming knowledge, I probably could have gotten myself fired from any one of my library jobs a long time ago for all this shit I wanted to do.<br /><br />But I don't think the Justice Department would have gotten involved; I would have just been fired and not one person would have even known my name. And if they did, they'd say, "What the hell did you think was going to happen, asshole?"<br /><br />And I think that's because I can't program. I'm guessing that I would have been judged as an extremely low profile target and an owner of very common underpants.<br /><br />Again, I'm not trying to compare my non-event with a real one, but I wonder what might have happened if I'd known someone with skills who could have shown me how to do it.<br /><br />But in my case, there was clear publisher ownership. So I guess I would have been a thief. Even if this was something our library had paid for.<br /><br />But Aaron's position was that the JSTOR information was meant to be free, that it shouldn't be trapped behind a pay wall. Maybe. I didn't know the guy.<br /><br />I don't have the time to explain the how or why of online information or who owns it or what legal rights or expectations a company might have regarding its ability to collect money for distributing that information. But the point is, that someone has legal rights to all these things, but it ain't you.<br /><br />We call these people, these owners and publishers and content distributors by their collective name: motherfuckers. And all they seem to want to do is fuck with you. There was a time when you could count the companies out to fuck with you on one hand. But not so now. The conspiracy of motherfuckers seems endless.<br /><br />Because the list is so long, I'm going to just try to list the motherfuckers who prey on libraries, the ones who answer with a cheerful, Fuck You, when we complain about their monopolies and oligopolies. <br />
<ul>
<li>You want that book/magazine/newspaper to remain in print? Fuck You."But it used to be in print." Now it's not. Fuck You.</li>
<li>You want that book in electronic format for your library to lend? Fuck You.</li>
<li>You want that ebook for the same price as we sell to Amazon/B&N? Fuck You.</li>
<li>You want databases priced by actual use and not projected use based on service population? Fuck You.</li>
<li>You want lower maintenance fees? Fuck You.</li>
<li>You want us to stop increasing prices (when everyone knows that manufacturing/storage/delivery costs are going down)? Fuck You.</li>
<li>You want publicly funded science research that's published in our journals to be priced based on our actual cost, which is probably zero? Fuck You. Fuck You. Fuck You.</li>
<li>You want us to stop screwing you? We love screwing you. It feels great. Now roll over, we're not finished.</li>
</ul>
Again, my non-event deserves non-recognition. I'm just saying that if information wants to be free, there seems to be a shitload of companies/governments out there trying to keep it locked up. And one less who could have helped it escape.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />the.effing.librarianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17091817894228602335noreply@blogger.com0