Librarian Job Seekers: RUN!

I know you've seen the library job posts seeking dynamic energetic trendspotting trainspotting spotty-bottomed socially-networked fun daring crunk super-powered candidates to bring new and fantastic ideas to the hiring organization.

And you probably thought that you might apply.

But I say, DO NOT.

The answer should be a simple question asked to the advertising library: Why the fuck don't you have any of those people at your library now?

Why does this library need dynamic people? Are the current ones sloths? Are those sloths still living in the 1950s?

This is what I expect with happen when you get that job:

YOUR NEW BOSS: Here are some more push pins and JCPenney catalogs for the library's Pinterest account. Make sure you pin lots of nice stuff.

YOU: It doesn't work like..

YOUR NEW BOSS: Let me know when you need more pins.

 OR...

YOUR NEW BOSS: How come our library Twitter account doesn't have one million friends yet? That Kutcher boy got a million in just a few days.

YOU: The library has over 7,000 followers. That's very good for a library serving a population of 10,000.

YOUR NEW BOSS: Oh, is it now?

And YOUR NEW BOSS will think you suck. Because YOUR NEW BOSS never had a fucking clue about what YOUR NEW BOSS wanted or needed or what to expect from any new librarian.

Don't you wonder about a library that seems so desperate to post a job description like that? What it tells me is that everyone is way past retirement age and the ones doing the hiring are totally clueless. Like they want a librarian, you, to come in and make up for the last 30 years of all those employees who clung to the belief that computers were just a fad and if they just sat quietly at their desks and never touched theirs, they would never need to. And it will be your job to get them into the 21st century in a week-and-a-half. Why would you want to try to clean up that mess? Who wants to be the sole excited dynamic fun librarian in a crowd of fossils? You will be miserable.

Or worse. And this is worse. That you will be part of a group of young librarians who are all super dynamic and full of energy and who stab each other in the back for a tiny sliver of the library's paltry book and supply budget, and that you'll go broke buying Carmex for all the ass you'll have to smooch just to stay in the game.

Either way: RUN.