Tuesday, March 27, 2012


So we're catching up on Downton Abbey and trying to spot the verbal anachronisms. Like I would know, or care. But the idea that anyone is doing it by comparing what is said on the show with what has been recorded in print during the period just shows how screwed up the present is going to be for the future when today's cultural fads change from moment to moment.

Who knows what people actually said to each other in 1912? It's not like we have YeTube videos from the year 600 AD or even from the early 1900's. We can only guess from what was recorded in books and surviving serial publications.

So we can make guesses from surviving records. But what do we know?

So, for some dumb reason, I had this idea to pretend that there was some recently discovered apocryphal scrap of text attributed to the time of The Old Testament that contained a list of Yo Momma jokes.

Don't ask why I think this if funny or ever worth your time, but here they are, The Old Testament Yo Momma jokes:
  • Yo Momma is so fat that when God created the Heavens and the Earth, the Earth revolved around her.
  • Yo Momma is so fat that when Adam and Eve ate the apple it was because that was the only food left (after yo momma visited The Garden of Eden).
  • Yo Momma is so fat that she was the ninth Plague of Egypt. Which was total darkness from her big ass hiding the sun.
  • Yo Momma is so fat that when she sits around the Mount Sinai, she sits around Mount Sinai.
  • Yo Momma is so fat that one of her Cannonballs parted the Red Sea.
  • Yo Momma is so fat that when Lot's wife was turned into a pillar of salt, yo momma crushed her up for her french fries.
  • Yo Momma is so fat that when Noah gathered two of each of the animals, she thought they were the buffet on the cruise and ate them.

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