Tuesday, February 28, 2012

The Slit Heard Round the World

Internet, you're an asshole.

I can't believe that you think that Angelina Jolie didn't get the joke of her leg. Really? Did you see her? She actually thrusts it out in an obvious display and you don't realize that she is aware of the humor?

If Will Farrell did it, you'd laugh your ass off because he's hilarious and no one would mock him for thinking he was behaving stupidly. Because it was a joke.

But yet, you can't see the joke when Angelina does it?

You can't see it? No, you didn't see it. Look, again. Come, on. You know that when she saw that dress and that slit she said, "This slit demands that I show my leg. So I'm going to show my leg. I must bow to the will of the dress."

I didn't think you needed this lesson. But clearly, you didn't get it. It was bad enough when that bald asshole made fun of her when he was on stage for his award, but when you, the internet, spent the entire next day oblivious to it and Photoshopping the leg into fucking everything. It just proved that you did not get it.

You didn't give her credit for being able to pull off that gag. You let Sasha Baron Cohen do it. He could do spill dead dictator on Ryan Seacrest and you'd laugh till you peed.

I know for a fact that someone is going to put that same dress in a movie and use that same gag and say, "I must bow to the will of the dress" and you're going to shit yourself. Let's see when they do it in Bridesmaids 2.

So fuck you, internet because you wouldn't know a joke when it's protruding from a Versace gown and staring you right in the face.

And why am I so upset? Because I tell jokes all the time that you never get.

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