What makes a hack.

You are a hack author if any of your major characters is [a/an]:

vampire
werewolf
mermaid
snowman
astronaut
child
horse
unicorn
sea monster
hunter
detective
baroness
prince
duchess
dominatrix
goth
teen
king
queen
talking dog
regular dog
turtle
ghost
elemental
molecule
alien
holocaust survivor
omniscient voice
coconut macaroon
slacker
hacker
meat packer
homeless person
billionaire
boxer
porn star
politician
historical figure
dinosaur
otaku
mutant
nurse
general
spy
assassin
wizard
superhero
supervillain
terrorist
rock star
divorced
dead
terminally ill
disillusioned
delusional
geometric shape
rich
pun
part of speech
cartoon
unborn
reincarnated
plant
inanimate object
the color orange
soldier
chronic handwasher
drug addict
cutter
suicidal
fashion designer
florist
pool of water
chupacabra

So shame on you, shame on you all. You should be able to come up with something better that this.